A simple summary is impossible. The author recounts the total devotion of the depth of his love for his wife, their life together, their conversion to Christianity, her tragic illness and death in her thirties, his grieving, and finally, the spiritual realities he encountered in dealing with her death in the context of faith. With roots in Virginia, evidently from a well-to-do family, he met, fell in love, and married just prior to World War II. He recounts their travels to the Pacific theater of operations, life in the U. S., graduate school at Oxford, their conversion to Christianity, and return to Virginia. The issue became this: after becoming Christians, the author’s wife ‘Davy’ made Christ her first love, without wavering in her love for the author, but he kept his first love focused on her, while also believing in the truths of Christianity.
Most married couples have other paths, which occur when the difficulties of married life surface. Either they work through difficulties, or they give up on their marriage. But Sheldon and Davy remained devoted to each other, with no evidence of facing this test over the fifteen years of their love and marriage. And that was the challenge: Christ will ultimately abide no competitors. The Bible gives clear direction for how the love of husband and wife is to be placed in God’s economy. Davy accepted this, but Sheldon resisted. As the author relates it, ultimately it was the mercy of God, which was severe, which allowed him to be tested by removing the obstacle to him putting God first. All this was worked out while the author was in contact with C. S. Lewis, whom he had come to know at Oxford and subsequently corresponded with.
There are a few interesting asides. One is a letter from C.S. Lewis, written in May 1954, on the Christian view of homosexuality and the potential theology of gay marriage. (Chapter VI, p 147-148) But the title of the book comes from a C. S. Lewis comment in a letter after all has transpired. Lewis himself lost his wife after four years of marriage, but this did not happen until after all these events (including his counsel to the author). Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after his wife’s death a few years later. One wonders how his words to Sheldon might have been different after his own grief. This book was written well after C. S. Lewis’ book and death.
How does one deal with God’s discipline of His children? It is the age old challenge of reconciling God’s holiness with His love. These were reconciled in the cross of Christ, but we mostly accept that theology and do not plumb the depth of visceral spiritual agony that Jesus experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane in order to have the strength to go through with it. This author draws us into his internal struggle with suffering and unanswered prayer. And thus to plumb the depths of God’s severe mercy. He loves us and acts for our own best, long-term outcome, however painful that may seem at the time. That is the conclusion we can draw from Sheldon Vanauken’s autobiography.
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