What this book is not: a sentimental
love prescription or description; a claim that love will fix all your problems;
or an advert for The Hallmark Channel (not that their staff would have time
& inclination to read such a book). Lewis translates four Greek words from
the New Testament into modern language and explores them: affection (storge), friendship
(Phileo),
romantic love (Eros),
and charity (agape).
[To be clear, Lewis distinguishes Eros, romantic love, from Venus, sexual
activity, despite the modern usage of “erotic”.] It is not as though types of
love are mutually exclusive either in our day or in the New Testament, but to
the extent they have conceptual focus, their practice and implications can be
intellectually addressed. One form of
love, practiced consistently, can lead to another, or a blurring in which no
clear line is drawable.
Two books bookend Lewis’ marriage to
Joy Davidman. Lewis married her in 1956, the year that Till We Have Faces
was published; she passed away in 1960, when The Four Loves was
published. Lewis draws on his academic background in literature to cite
examples that were perhaps familiar to his contemporaries, but often mysteries
to us of the 21st century. He equally fluently refers to the Bible. I suspect
his marriage was the strongest influence on this book.
Lewis begins by defining Need-love and
Gift-love. These span the gamut of above-identified types as a basic
description of human behavior. Some love out of need - for companionship,
affirmation, devotion of another, sexual desire, and so forth. Others
(primarily God, but humans can) love because that is their innate nature, to
pour out their blessings, their life for the benefit of another. So mothers
typically love their children.
Pain colors Lewis’ entire discussion
of love. In the chapter on Eros, Lewis points out that Ephesians 5:25 links the
headship of husband over wife to Christ
giving Himself for His bride, the church. There is pain for the lover (the
crown of thorns, the cross) and pain for the beloved rising from being
corrected and chastened (as the Church is). Anyone who has been married for a
period understands this. But this is only one example. How does agape love respond
when:
•
A son asks for his inheritance while
his father is alive, then squanders it in riotous living?
•
A woman is caught in the act of
adultery?
•
A leader brought from being a shepherd
to ruling as a king commits adultery and arranges the murder of his lover’s
husband?
•
Ones’ closest friends and disciples
deny knowing him?
Phileo, storge, and Eros would all be
destroyed by such actions unless there is underneath them an artesian well of
agape. And so our transactional loves must give way to eternal gift-love to
prepare us for eternity with God in Heaven, where we will be like the angels.
Ultimately, loving God with all of our
being is still need-love because we need Him, but it also empowers loving our
neighbors as ourselves. How do we respond when Love is betrayed? Humanly we
would say the relationship has been smashed beyond repair. Agape that
transcends comes from faith that is not merely a theoretical or abstract desire
or prayer for another’s blessing, but a painful, transactional redemption -
embracing the crown of thorns, the scourging, the lashes, and the cross. This
is the gateway to heaven, resurrection, and eternity.
